Now that Panera Cares has Failed, Socialists No Longer Consider its Business Model "Real Socialism"

BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS – Much like Socialists did with Venezuela and the Soviet Union, when Panera Bread first launched its pay-what-you-can "Panera Cares" cafes, Socialists praised their model as a successful example of Socialism. However, this week when management announced that the Panera Cares cafes were financial unsustainable and would close, Socialists suddenly decided that model wasn't "real Socialism" after all.

Socialists in Boston, eating at the last Panera Cares restaurant, quickly distanced themselves from the Panera Cares model.

"This isn't the kind of Socialism we're talking about," said self-described Socialist Barry Smith. "They weren't doing it right."

"If I ran this place, I could have made Socialism work," said Smith, an unemployed busboy.

According to Panera management, soon after they opened, large groups of students started coming in for lunch, and homeless shelters began dropping people off that would stay all day, and none of these people would give any donations.

Customers complain that, after that, the atmosphere became much more authoritarian. Employees tried to limit who could come in. Guards were posted who glared at people. Managers would shame people for not giving the suggested donation, and rudely told people they were abusing the system.

"When they lost their profits, management tried to control peoples' behavior, and now they've selfishly decided to close," Smith said. "How authoritarian! Someone should force them to stay open!"

Critics say this is a good example of the problems with Socialism: At first it seems to work. However, since people receive value without having to create value, very little new value is created. The people in power try to solve this by becoming more authoritarian, but protect themselves by putting their own best interests first, and the masses start to suffer. Then system eventually runs out of other peoples' money, people stop receiving benefits, and it all collapses.

"No, no, no," disagreed Smith. "That's BS. And this situation has nothing to do with Socialism; it's all about greed. The owners have money. They care more about money than people."

When asked if he would give a reasonable-sized donation to help cover some of the needy people in the restaurant, Smith said he couldn't afford it.

- The Satirized Evening Post
February 16, 2019

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