Negative Reactions to Covington Youths' MAGA Hats Points to a Rise in Chapeauophobia

NEW YORK, NEW YORK – Even after subsequent videos of the incident proved the Covington School boys were actually innocent of any instigating or wrong-doing, and actually worked to de-escalate the anger of the other parties, media outlets report there are many people who still blame the boys, claiming they provoked the incident by wearing MAGA hats.

Many psychologists say this reaction indicates a serious rise in Chapeauophobia – the irrational fear of hats.

"Chapeauophobia is an irrational fear," said Dr. Ronald Simmons, a leading psychologist. "The ‘Hatter’ is convinced that simply because someone is wearing a particular kind of hat, that person will do them harm."

"Some Hatters are triggered by white youths wearing MAGA hats. Others are triggered by black youths wearing hoodies. Still others are triggered by brown youths wearing turbans. These are all variations of the same mental disorder."

"In some cases, the disorder manifests itself in audio or visual hallucinations, where the Hatter believes the hat-wearer said or did things they never actually did."

"Sometimes these hallucinations can generate strong negative emotions towards someone simply because of their headwear," said Dr. Simmons. "Sadly, Hatters gonna hate."

Although Hatters who are triggered by MAGA hats claim there are valid reasons for their concern, Dr. Simmons says this is common. "All Hatters are convinced that other varieties of Chapeauophobia are irrational, but their own variety is justified. That's part of the illness."

Some claim that the MAGA hats are equivalent to KKK hoods. Dr. Simons disagrees. "KKK hoods were worn by Democrats who literally killed black people. MAGA hats are worn by Republicans who reduced black unemployment to record lows. There's really no comparison there."

- The Satirized Evening Post
January 25, 2019

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