After Santa Fe School Shooting
Democrats Demand Congress make
‘Gun-Free Zones’ Signs Bigger
WASHINGTON, D.C. – After Friday‘s fatal school shooting in Santa Fe, Texas, many Democrats called for legislation to make ‘Gun-Free Zones’ signs bigger.
At a joint press conference, Chuck Schumer stated, "Had the shooter seen the ‘Gun-Free Zone’ signs, all this could have been avoided." He then added, "This doesn’t prove that ’Gun-Free Zone’s don’t work. It proves we need to make the signs bigger."
Maxine Waters chimed in succinctly: "Shooting someone in a school zone should be illegal!"
Many Democrats propose going even further, calling for nation-wide gun control. Critics point out that the prohibition of alcohol in the 1920’s and our present-day prohibition of drugs both failed, and questioned the effectiveness of failed methods that people have tried before.
"We’re smarter than they were," said Nancy Pelosi. "We know how to make prohibition work. By implementing common-sense gun control, our schools could be as safe as Chicago."
Pelosi then added, "It’s not important whether what we propose is effective. What’s important is that we do something so we feel good about ourselves, and can feel like we care more about kids than the other guys."
- The Satirized Evening Post
May 19, 2018